Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Designing My Beach

My good friend Sabi and I have decided that this time and place in our lives affords each of us the somewhat unique opportunity to decide not only who we are but also who we want to be tomorrow.  So a large part of my mental time has been spent, for the last week or so, thinking about who I have been and who I would like to be.  We developed a code for this process... we're thinking about our beaches.

So the idea is that we are to design our perfect life (our individual beaches) in our minds so that we have a clear idea of what destination we want to head toward... until we know where we're going we can't know which direction to go in to get there.  Anyway, today I discovered a lot about myself and where I want to go.

Today we drove to Santa Cruz. Today I found a place that resonates within my soul. 

Santa Cruz is bounded by mountains and the ocean.  There are storeys high redwoods shaking hands with delicate palms. Pelicans glide inches from the water. The wind carries salty brine, hippy's happy-hash, fresh grilled veggies, and unspoiled mountain air.  The water shimmers.  The mountains stand like stout guardians you can trust.  People smile to themselves, in unison, as they stroll down the sidewalk-- maybe it's the happy-hash.  It's beautiful.

I can see myself an old woman here.  I will wear red velvet pants and a pink tshirt with my flowered hat while I walk my monkey or iguana down the boardwalk.  I will hum to myself as I smile at the bare-chested boys and gracefully unshod girls playing volleyball in the sand or drumming and strumming their tunes into the healthy breeze.  The sun will kiss my face and I won't worry about my wrinkles. I can breathe.  I can simply be.

And I imagine myself in a few years, maybe a decade, living my perfect life.  I will live in town but only blocks from the beach.  I will own a building with a storefront and an apartment.  I will live upstairs in bright blue rooms with sari curtains and lush paintings.  I will drink coffee and tea on a balcony while Lily reads to me in the morning.  I will wear my hair messily on top of my head and smile.  I will paint. In the store downstairs I will sell beautiful things; books, jewelery, homemade clothing, things I find elsewhere, upcycled stuff... things that are beautiful, that I made beautiful, or things I made from scratch.  I will tend the store on odd days and travel when I'm feeling even.  I'll be who I am, not be afraid to say hello (and I am strangely unshy in Santa Cruz!!!), and create create create...

For Santa Cruz stirs my blood and makes me remember that creative passion I've sometimes forgotten.  To me, the waves and the people and the dreams and even the culture of drugs has more color and whimsy than I'm used to; has the right amount of color and whimsy to make me feel at home. When I look around words flow, colors glide, images burn into me.  Everything is inspiration.  Here I could create.... here I could not not create.

My beach lies somewhere along this coastline... so close I can almost smell the sheets.

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